[Sound] Doctrine

(Tempo: Rubato)

Submission to a Master.

Deference to authority–admittedly imperfect at best.

Clinging to Integrity.

Repaying malice with service.

Allowing anger to subside and broken-heartedness to arise.

Breathing in confession.

Breathing out repentance.

Trusting the Bible.

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(rit.) Saying: “Jesus, you’re my portion and my reward. I want for nothing.”

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No, it’s not cool.

It’s Beautiful. (Fermata; hold)

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Create in me a pure heart, O God,

and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Psalm 51:10

On the Horizon, the Battlefield lies Vacant

And with the gift of Victory, we march courageously towards Progress.

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Repentance.

Grace.

Courage.

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To live lives motivated by grace.

Cosmic Reconciliation

Where realism and idealism collide: the dirty, calloused feet of a savior. 

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Creatures of Lust

Lust of the heart is different than that of the mind. The mind lusts with images–sensual fantasies whose aim is to satisfy the superficialities of the body and not the soul. The amygdale and the somatosensory cortex are partners in crime for our infamous animal-like instincts towards sex. But we’re not animals; we’re creatures longing for fulfillment. The enemy’s goal is to deceive us into thinking that this is the ultimate magnitude of lust–to bring us to sensual fulfillment; it’s hard-wired in our genes, after all, so why fight it? But lust of the mind is simply foreplay.

The lust of the heart burns hotter and more deeply. It points towards our condition as dissatisfied creatures–lonely, empty, and tattered by a sinful world within and around us. Lust of the heart directs us not towards images but towards ideas–companionship, community, communion–ideas much too damaging to the enemy’s scheme, that is, unless they remain as they are: ideas. Lust of the heart causes our innermost to wander, and then to wonder. We wander through different worlds, different options, and different choices, and after our roundtrip fantasy is complete, we wonder: “I wonder if there is a place that will serve me better. I’ve tried every hill and valley, but perhaps the grass is greener across the lake.” Lust of the heart says it’s worth the risk to build the boat–“there is nothing left for me here, after all, so let the journey begin.” And so we paddle. We lose sight of the reward, fought for us with bloody tears and bought for us with iron stakes. Instead, we paddle with wanderlust towards a foggy and unknown place, searching for some sort of reward, and dissatisfied all the while

The gospel says we already have the reward. He is our reward and He has given Himself to us. The journey, therefore, does not begin with outward steps, but inward searching. Yes, it does begin with dissatisfaction–a holy dissatisfaction that yearns and burns for an all-encompassing glory that is unsuited for this lifetime. Then, with minds continuously renewed, that which burns gives way to stillness. Then calmness. Then a peace of heart that transcends the mind’s understanding but soothes it nonetheless. Then, and only then, with blueprints firmly in place as those written on our hearts and minds, do we march onwards to embark on our journey, erecting towers of steadfast love, planting mighty oaks of faith, and harvesting the fruit of righteousness. On this journey alone do we find the fulfillment to our lustful hearts.

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Trust in the LORD, and do good;
   dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.

Delight yourself in the LORD,
   and he will give you the desires of your heart.

-Psalm 37:3-4

Sight Blindness

To say that those who, with all their might, stress and strain to clear the blur, interpret precisely.

To say that those who, with consent of hopelessness surrender their interpretation of eternity to wavelengths and frequencies–the “smart ones,” that is–that they hold the secret to the true meanings of life.

To say that something was formed from nothing. And that those which were non-living conceived and gave birth to life–as if to say that just the right combination of elements could combine and create life; just the right combination of elements could fabricate a soul. To say that that is logical–”scientific,” even.

To say that just for a moment, the laws of entropy reversed themselves and order was formed from disorder and the cosmos was set into formulaic motion.

To say that love is the product of chemicals.

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Let ignorance be revealed.

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Oh, and to say that people are generally good. To believe in the overall moral virtue of man, the benevolence of the human race, or the natural kindness in people’s hearts…however eloquently stated. History, the truth-teller of all things–she would call you blind.

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But to say that those who trust and who put their hope in an unseen Being…truly see. Now that doesn’t sound too absurd anymore.

Time is the Medium

Sometimes I hear people say that it’s just a matter of time–as if time itself were a magical potion that reverses painful memories and renews hope. Who are they kidding? Time is the medium, not the antidote. So what’s the antidote? What’s the cure? What can actually saturate the heart and mind and counteract the poisonous cycle of bitter hurt?

People say that it’s just a matter of time before it stops affecting you—when you forget about it, that is. But what they don’t realize is that the heart has a memory that profoundly surpasses the mind’s ability to reproduce a feeling, a reaction, or a trigger.

The habits of the heart start young when pride, walls, and other preemptive, protective measures don’t exist—only the faculty of reaction. And unsurprisingly, in our sinful state, hurt and happiness are not dealt in proportion; they aren’t stored equally either. So soon enough, the fleshly walls of the heart turn coarse and dry. The desert journey brings callousness—or, what the world calls protection—and only in hindsight do we find ourselves looking down at the rock in our chest. (Chuck Norris, if you’re reading this, please understand that I’m not talking about the rock that IS your chest…never mind)

It’s like this—feelings are just heart-wired reactions that secrete fractions of a belief—just a fraction at a time—slowly accumulating over days or years, trickling into and filling the paradigms of our life, which begin to float high on our sea of experiences. And there we have it. It’s who we are. Well, it’s who we think we are. A clay pot molded by how the world’s treated us, what it’s said to us, and the pictures and fantasies it’s promised us—an empty perfection—empty yet struggling to stay afloat.

But what if we had a chance to go back and undo things—like a reversal? What if I had a chance to physically go back and tell a younger me that transparency brings vulnerability, and vulnerability fosters freedom—not weakness? Or if I could just go back and remind myself in times of despair that shit happens but that Jesus is the King of my heart and so I should pick myself up and learn to guard the King’s property? Would things be different?

I guess it takes a 20/20 hindsight-kind-of-view to make all things clear. There are so many rules that this world makes perfectly clear to us and that have been painfully reinforced by our own pitiful understanding of reality. But the Lord says: “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.”

Renewal. It’s almost the same as reversal but better. Like scar tissue on a broken bone that’s been restored, it’s stronger than the original. Be transformed by the renewal of your mind! It’s like a small army, slowly reclaiming the King’s property. And in this case it’s a refreshing feeling to be taken over—it’s illogical, unfathomable, but it makes perfect sense. Plumes of fiery scripture are the weapon of choice and they seep through closed doors, beckoning not an opening, but a reopening—a renewal of the mind. And so it follows most naturally…Heart, take note; be transformed.

Fulfillment

“So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” 

- 2 Timothy 2:22

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I desire to live a life fulfilled through my service to my King.

Remember When We Used to Sit in Cafes

…just to sip coffee for the taste of it?

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In those days my mind had the space to collect revelations and perform quality control checks on my heart. Now? Well, I just finished pouring my second cup of coffee down my throat and I’m blinking my way through planning for tomorrow. Needless to say, in my current life I’m distracted, so my heart only speaks out in compulsions.

But I revisited that lifestyle–where time itself seems to become a P on the Myers Briggs–yesterday at a coffee shop I had never heard of it until I cruised through a city far off from Detroit. I barely noticed Sue’s Coffee House–my eyes were fixed on the river across from it that keeps the Canadians out (or the Detroiters in). Earlier that morning, I left my house to go for a ride without knowing how long I’d be nor exactly where I would find myself. And as I sat in the window of that quaint cafe that overlooked the river, I decided that was where I’d let the hours pass. I read, phoned a friend, and called it a day. But more than anything, I thought. I gave my mind freedom for the day to take me wherever it desired.

Past. Future. Presence.

I gave my heart to my mind and my mind to my Lord. Too many lifeless pursuits have laid claim to my heart and the loads of pyrite that I’d hoarded are enough to break the backs and burden the hearts of the average Christian soldier–it did so to me, after all.

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“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

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Paradigms

Should I seek to understand God in light of my experiences? Or should I seek to understand my experiences in light of God’s truths?

One of these is a slippery slope. The other: a slow, difficult climb.

So renew me. I’m going to need the strength.

Reminder to Self:

Self, beware of fallacies of your heart. Guard yourself against conclusions founded on the feelings of your heart and formalized without the input of your mind. Be wary of going from “this is hard” to “this is stupid,” because it’s a slippery slope of convincing lies thereafter.  Don’t use the word “phase” unless you’re sure that it was, because the implications of that word reach into your past and dislodge any truth and wisdom you once leaned on; “phase” implies being misinformed and naïve. But Truth that was is Truth that still is and faith that’s hard is entirely different than faith that’s false. So keep your focus on things that are Truth and distinguish them from all things that are False. Be vigilant in discernment; don’t allow your heart to falter into vague and half-formed conclusions shaped and persuaded solely by feelings kept unaccountable by your experience and knowledge.

“[The Enemy’s] cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our [Father’s] will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.” C.S. Lewis – The Screwtape Letters

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“Blessed are the poor in spirit,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

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But I’m asking: when?